Here’s How To Appropriately Poop at Work

Everyone’s judging you when you don’t poop appropriately at the office

Well, maybe not.

Or… maybe yes.

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of writing a fun little article for Elite Daily in which I pinpointed six simple things you can do if you want to make sure that everyone in the office absolutely hates you.

One of these was annihilating the restroom, which I was um, rather specific about:

People always know who was last to use the restroom. People always know, so don’t assume anything less. So if your regular trips to Chipotle have a habit of backfiring (aka firebombing the restroom with tear gas and bad memories) you better believe everyone knows. People will deliberately avoid using it for an extended amount of time after you’ve left your mark on the premises. In fact, the most intelligent of the lot make a mad dash for the facilities when they know you’ve gone out for your lunch hour. Everyone around you silently cheered when they heard Chipotle will be closing its doors for a few hours on February 8. You will be forced to find a new haunt (if only for that day), and you will be flustered by the many (sort of passive-aggressive) recommendations of what appear to be the blandest of salads.

But there are things you could do to escape embarrassment and pray to the sweet Lord that no one hears the horrible sounds of your latest trip to Chipotle.

You could play loud music on your phone (and annoy everyone else even further).

Source

Or you could devise an exit strategy, like going to poop in a restaurant or at your home (if you’re fortunate enough to live nearby).

Via Giphy

You could get on the phone and blab.

Source: GIPHY.com

You could launch into some sort of unrelated commentary, taking a note from Leslie Knope.