Album covers can be awkward. They don't necessarily age well and even the best artists can fall victim to the "awkward album cover" epidemic. Even the Fab Four put out an album that made the lovable mop-tops look like crazed baby-butchers.
If The Beatles can screw it up this badly, what hope do mere musical mortals have?
Thankfully for our funny-bones, the answer to that question is "pretty much none." The awkward seems to get even worse when you look towards gospel albums of the past, whose earnest attempts just seem to make it worse. Not sure what we mean? We put together a list of some of our favorite awkward gospel album covers for you.
Enjoy the cringe.
1. Country Church
At first glance we thought it said "Country Crunch" and the album cover looks so much like a middle-America nod to Cap'n Crunch cereal that we didn't even think twice about how impossibly absurd that was.
That mustache is exactly the same and you know it.
2. The Unseen Hand
... but we see it. It's right there. You're floating on it. JUST LOOK DOWN!
3. Jesus Use Me
There's something about the dead-eyed-yet-expectant stare of the woman far left that we can't handle. It's one thing to ask Jesus to use you, it's another to be quite this excited about it. We would be 0% surprised to hear her let out a "giggity."
We have so many questions and concerns with this one. First of all, that kind of punctuation is only allowed to be used by Wham! Secondly, this is too much sensuality for a woman and a dummy - like a real one, not the kind you dated in High School. We're uncomfortable looking at this. Why is Erick wearing more blush than Beverly? Why is the album by the dummy not the "manipulator"? Are we really looking at a gospel album as sung by a puppet? Yes.
5. Satan Is Real
We know. We saw the last album cover.
6. Rock For The King
Not even God's chosen army could escape the fate that the 80's/early 90's hair metal scene had in store for them. We can't imagine the amount of prayer it took to get into pants that tight. We don't know where this band is now, but we are eternally thankful for their contribution to awesomeness.
7. He Touched Me
Stop it. Just stop it. Right now.
8. Thank You For The Dove
... you're welcome? This could easily have been an album by and for magicians, so we looked up the track titles. There are the standard track titles like Life Everlasting and Jesus is the Bridge, but then things get weird. These three tracks concerned us: What's Wrong With my Children, Do You Know What I Did, Mister?, and Be at Peace, My Child. What happened to the kids, Mike?
9. God's Power
This is Mike Crain. You might know him as Karatist Preacher - and by "might" we mean "have almost definitely never heard of." Anyway, Mike is showing us God's power by breaking some bricks. This might be racist? We're not sure. Absolutely uncomfortable to look at, though. Mike's facial expression is the cherry on the awkward sundae. Sunday? We don't know. This whole thing confuses and frightens us.
10. I'm Going Home... To Watch The Flowers Bloom
We can see that based on the fact that your hair appears to be getting closer and closer to God with each passing moment. It's like witnessing a whole family get beamed up really slowly.
11. Sunday Child
Evidently this is not a poster for a horror film?
12. We'll Not Be Defeated
The 80's weren't kind to anyone, no matter how much they loved the Lord or pointed (but didn't look) upward. Is that a letter opener?
14. Uncle "D" Talks With Charlie & Sheila
Again with the puppets. Why is the D in quotations? What on earth is happening? What is the Sheila puppet staring off into the distance at?
15. Guide Me Lord
The hair origami here is SO real. We don't understand the physics of what we're seeing.
BONUS ROUND: Dance Before The Police Come
This isn't a gospel album, but it absolutely made us shout "Oh God!" out loud when we saw it.