There are not a lot of worse scenarios that you can find yourself in than to assume that your partner is cheating. However, it’s always better to know; the sooner you find out, the better. Now, some people will admit to everything, but most cheaters will try to trick you or even gaslight you. You deserve to know the truth.
Again, there’s a benign explanation for everything, but you can’t afford to bury your head in the sand. If the evidence is there, it’s time to start asking questions. Trust but verify. With that in mind, here are the top ten ways to tell that your partner might be cheating on you.
1. Change in Communication
A partner who has their focus on someone else might no longer be as willing to communicate. People who don’t care about the product won’t bother to haggle or lower the price. They’ll just ask once and move on. This is especially easy to notice if, up until now, your partner was always argumentative and “in your face.”
People fixate on the sexual aspect of infidelity, but if your partner is cheating, they’re not just sleeping with someone else. They’re also talking to someone else. These things often go hand in hand, and the conversation part is sometimes harder to hide.
2. Excessive Gift-giving
It’s not uncommon for a cheating partner to become excessively generous, buying more than the average of 32 gifts per year. Sometimes, they do this to calm their conscience, while at other times, they try to put you off the trail. After all, if they did have someone else, would they try so hard? The answer will surprise you (and not always positively).
Now, some people are just generous, so what you’re looking for is a deviation from their usual behavior patterns. Were they usually stingy or had no habit of buying gifts, and now they’re showering you with jewelry, tickets to your favorite show, your favorite sports team memorabilia, and more? All of this is very suspicious!
3. Gut Feeling
Don’t downplay the intuition. Your body and your subconsciousness are often more accurate in assessing a change in the occurrences than your conscious mind. After all, even when our society was in its most primitive form, we had to have a way to tell if the offspring was not ours or if our partner was ready to sail off and start a new family elsewhere.
There are so many little signals that you can pick up long before you decide to track their location. Remember that they’re talking to you differently, acting differently around you, or changing some of their habits isn’t always benign. You shouldn’t accuse them immediately, but it might be enough ground to start snooping around.
4. Reduced Intimacy
If your partner was always bugging you for sex and now, all of a sudden, they’re no longer as interested, this might indicate that something sinister is at play. Their libido might still be on the same level, but they’ve found other ways to quench their thirst.
It’s not just that they’re tired or have had enough. Most people may need more, but it’s not you that they want it from.
Just bear in mind that people’s libido changes over time. It might go down as they age, but there are also other factors. If they have a really hard time at work, they’re behind on deadlines, and a new boss is harassing them, you shouldn’t be surprised that they’re not feeling very sexual.
5. Change in Routine
People evolve and change throughout their lives, but sometimes, people evolve under external factors. So, if you notice a massive change in their routine, who knows what else they’ve changed?
Sure, leaving earlier for work or getting home later is self-explanatory, but what about the fact that they spend more time grooming? There’s nothing wrong with grooming and personal hygiene, but if they’re suddenly spending more and more time doing so, you have to wonder.
Of course, people sometimes do inexplicable things, but they’re seldom without explanation. They seem inexplicable, but their motivation may be known to them.
6. Increased Secrecy
There’s nothing wrong with asking a partner to pass you your phone, but what if that same partner starts flipping their phone (screen down), changes security settings, and more? What if they get all nervous when asked a seemingly simple question?
Remember, there is a way for all of this to be a misunderstanding. They may be hiding that they’re buying you a present or throwing you a birthday party. Sadly, we’d be lying if we told you that it’s usually this kind of positive surprise. Increased secrecy is seldom a good sign.
7. They’re Trying to Gaslight You
What if, all of a sudden, a partner starts blaming you for everything in their life? What if it’s clear that they’re gaslighting you? It might be that their conscience has become more uneasy, and now, they’re doing their best to try and justify themselves. In a way, they’re just looking for a casus belli (a cause to start a war).
Now, sure, gaslighting is generally a sign of a toxic relationship and personality type, but this doesn’t mean that you should start looking for movers just yet. If the relationship has lasted long enough, your partner deserves the benefit of the doubt. Just make sure that you don’t overstay your welcome.
8. New People in Their Life
While, in theory, it may be someone you’ve known in your entire relationship, sometimes, a new group of friends, a new friend, or a new coworker may be why. Still, this doesn’t mean that you should become jealous whenever someone is new in their life.
Also, don’t underestimate anyone. Just because you’re objectively better looking and more interesting, this doesn’t mean that you’re safe. Sometimes, this is the main reason why people cheat. If they feel inferior next to their partner, they might start looking for someone to make them feel like a prize.
Just remember that Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley; this should be enough to help you escape this comforting illusion.
9. Physical Evidence
It’s incredibly hard to hide an adultery. Even if we’re not talking about some obvious signs like a hickey, lipstick traces, opposite-sex perfume, or a pair of underwear you’ve discovered behind the living room couch, there’s so much you can find.
Now, we’re not suggesting that you go snooping around, but if you’ve already noticed some other things from our list, it might be worth your while to keep both your eyes open.
10. Missing Conversations
First of all, we do not suggest you take their phone and go through their messages. However, if you do, there are more than just messages that you should look out for.
What if there’s a coworker that they’re non-stop talking about, but when you find their chat, you see that it dates only two days back and that the conversation before that was deleted? There’s probably a perfectly innocent explanation behind it, right? Well, not likely.
One’s search history (on Google or social media) can also be quite telling, especially since people don’t remember to delete them as often as they do the messages.
It’s Never Your Fault
Cheating is always a choice, even if they believe you’ve neglected them. Even if you have neglected them, they could have just walked away. They say that no one is ever as mad as a narcissist when you accuse them of something they’ve absolutely done. Still, cheating is not always about narcissism, either.
Even if they want to be with someone else more, this has nothing to do with your worth. In the words of Shakespeare’s Henry V, “We would not die in that man’s company, that fears his fellowship to die with us.” You need someone who will stay with you for you, not because they have no other options or because no one else asked them. You’re too good to be anyone’s second choice.
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