My astrological sign is Capricorn. Well, it was. Until NASA went and messed with everything.
Instead of going out into space and exploring and finding a new, inhabitable planet for us to escape to, NASA decided to mess with most of humanity. How did they do this? Why, by completely changing the dates that designate our astrological signs, of course!
Okay... they didn't do this just to mess with us. As with all things NASA, there is a scientific explanation for what's going on. It turns out that the sky and its constellations are vastly different today compared to 2,000 or so years ago. But so what! Our astrological signs were never scientific! They are the opposite of scientific! That's why we liked them in the first place! If the newspaper says that I am super loyal and driven and hard-working, then I want that to be the case!
Anyway. You may be one of the lucky ones who didn't get an Extreme Makeover Astrological Edition. Those who escaped unharmed are a small percentage, however. 86% of humans are going to need to engage in some very intense self-reflection. The updated astrological signs and their dates are now: Capricorn: Jan 20 - Feb 16 Aquarius: Feb 16 – March 11 Pisces: March 11 – April 18 Aries: April 18 – May 13 Taurus: May 13 – June 21 Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug 10 Leo: Aug 10 – Sept 16 Virgo: Sept 16 – Oct 30 Libra: Oct 30 – Nov 23 Scorpio: Nov 23 – Nov 29 Ophiuchus: Nov 29 – Dec 17 Sagittarius: Dec 17 – Jan 20 What's Ophiuchus you might ask? I have no damn idea! You go figure that out. This just messed up my entire life. I am also super-curious as to what the astrological community is going to do about this. Will they explain it away and tell us not to panic? Will they make the change and backtrack to how this is at all possible? Your move, psychics! If you'll excuse me, I have to go start brainstorming how to act like a Sagittarius or something. (Editor's Note: NASA has officially stated that no one should lose their heads over this. They conducted this realignment to show how the universe has changed over time, and was misunderstood even back then. Also, when it comes to astrology and astronomy, you basically can only truly believe one of them... they don't exactly work well with one-another.)
H/T: Cosmopolitan UK, aol