It was time we heard from Jon Stewart.
In just eleven days since the transfer of power in the White House, Donald Trump has withdrawn from trade deals, approved building the wall, silenced Federal Agencies and ordered for discriminatory bans, among other things.
Surely there are no more executive orders for a while, right? Sadly, that's not the case.
Jon Stewart happened to have in his possession, the additional drafts of the president's executive orders to share with audiences on the The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.
By sporting a long red tie, suggesting the de rigueur of the presidency, and a dead animal perched on his head, Stewart came out of hiding on Tuesday night to surprise Colbert's audience with his assessment of the new administration.
When Colbert asked about his attire, Stewart commented, "I thought this is how men dress now. The president sets men’s fashion.
And I saw the inauguration: super long tie, dead animal on head. Boom!"
Through failed attempts at stifling their giggles, Stewart and long-time bestie, Colbert, read through the yet-to-be-announced executive orders.
As "Donald J. Jonah Jameson Trump," executive order number one was read aloud stating that he'll, "hereby direct that, to secure our border, China shall immediately and without hesitation send us their wall. Done." And regarding payment for the wall, he said, "When the wall arrives at the southern border, we shut the lights and pretend we’re not home. It’s C.O.D., Mexico has to sign for it."
For his next "encyclical," hinting at how close Trump is to taking over the papacy, Stewart read, "The new official language of the United States is bullshit. I, Donald J. Trump, have instructed my staff to speak only in bullshit. None of that, ‘Sure, I’ll speak bullshit at work, but at home I’ll use facts and real information.’ No. Bullshit all the time. Immersion—it’s the only way to be fluent."
To close us out for the segment, Stewart read his final executive order. "I, Donald J. Trump, do declare by executive order that I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting. It has been 11 days, Stephen. Eleven fucking days. The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public!”
He continued, "I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting because it is going to take relentless stamina, vigilance, and every institutional check and balance this great country can muster to keep me, Donald J. Trump, from going full Palpatine, with the lightning coming out of the fingertips and the ‘fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate.’ We have never faced this before—purposeful, vindictive chaos."
In restoring his former persona back into the spotlight, Stewart affirmed to the audience, "But perhaps therein lies the saving grace of my, Donald J. Trump’s presidency. No one action will be adequate. All action will be necessary. And if we do not allow Donald Trump to exhaust our fight and somehow come through this presidency calamity-less, and constitutionally partially intact, then I, Donald J. Trump, will have demonstrated the greatness of America, just not the way I thought I was gonna."
After exchanging hugs with Colbert, Stewart made his exit back into the recesses of the studio to resume his role as executive producer for The Late Show, making the audience wonder when he'll impart his astute observations about the state of our country again.
You can watch the entire segment of Jon Stewart's guest appearance on Colbert by clicking over to the next page.