Jim Tews is a comedian and photographer who decided it was high time for the beloved series, Humans of New York, to get a little parody action. And what better subjects than cats? May I prrr-oudly introduce Felines of New York.
1. Toe, on the power of positive thinking.
I’m a big believer in positive thinking. Like, I start to think 'I’m getting hungry. There should be food in that bowl.' Then fifteen minutes later, the woman puts food in the bowl. It happened because I believed it would happen.
2. Pasta, giving the vet a taste of his own medicine.
I’d have an easier time going to the vet if they replaced those cold, steel tables with sofas. Would an examination be less effective if it were on a couch? I don’t think so.
3. Michelle, on hitting rock bottom.
"I was a mess in my early twenties. I spent a lot of time in places I didn’t belong, with other cats who were no good for me. Picking the scraps off of fishbones on a garbage can lid. That was my rock bottom."
4.Wesley, revealing the trials of modeling.
"I’ve been a runway model since I was two. It’s unfortunate, but this is a young cat’s game and I don’t think I’ve got much more time left. I’ll probably start my own line when they no longer want to see me strut."
5. Petie, in defense of fear.
I’m cautious. A lot of people fault me for it. Saying I’ve missed out on things. I just don’t take my lives for granted.
6. Surf, being over it.
People say I’m mature for my age. I’m just already over a lot of stuff. Like birds. I’m so over birds.
7. Matthew, finding the silver lining.
I’ll probably start playing the lottery again soon. The last time I played, I don’t think I won anything, but the scratching-off part was incredibly satisfying.
8. Lolo, the spokescat of self-control.
I know full well what’s bad for me, but I still want it. Self-control is the only thing that separates us from the animals. But you are an animal. I think we’re done here.
9. Hera the stray, who has since been adopted at the ASPCA.
Before they caught me, I was running a clowder in Hell’s Kitchen. I worked with some of the most heartless rodent killers this city’s ever seen. I walked into a trap one morning and that’s how I ended up here. It’s for the better though. You can’t live like I was living for very long.
10. Miko, on the difficulties of being an entrepreneur.
I have a line of artisan cat toys that I’d like to sell. This storefront would be ideal, but I’d need a lot of help. Unfortunately, cats aren’t great team players. Anytime it feels like we’re making progress, someone sees a bug and the group just falls apart.
11. Charlie, breaking down stereotypes.
A lot of people think we hate Mondays, but that’s a common stereotype reinforced by the media. We actually have no idea what day it is.
12. Benson, the misunderstood poet.
I spend a lot of my day hitting the free food spots. If I’m not doing that, I’m usually under a tree somewhere, writing poetry. I want to check out a poetry night somewhere, maybe recite a few of my favorites. But I feel like a lot of things would get lost in translation.
13. Eliza, on being present.
I just don’t look far into the future. You say ‘what do I have to do next?’ and you worry about it, and you stress. But I’m like ‘what am I doing now?’ because I think the rest will take care of itself. I think we should all live that way. So you’re saying we should all be cats who live in a house where a person takes care of us? Yes. What’s stopping you?
14. Unknown bodega cat knowing what's up.
Being a small business owner isn’t easy these days. You have to do whatever you can to maintain your advantage over the big box stores. Having a cat in your shop is probably the best thing you can do. The chains can’t do that, they can’t have cats. And who doesn’t like a cat? You walk in somewhere and there’s a cat, you’re like ‘Oh sh*t, there’s a cat. I’m coming back here.’ you know?
15. Elise, on getting past the surface.
The questions get old. I don’t have hair like most cats, I get it. Yes, I’m cold sometimes. No, I don’t feel naked. But does any of that matter? Let’s get past the superficial garbage and work together on something. Maybe if we work together, we can figure out how to work the can opener.
16. Alex, who does not mince words.
I don’t need anybody. That’s not hyperbole. I literally don’t need you, or anyone. Do not touch me.
17. My personal addition: my cat, Imogen
I can't believe we're still even having this discussion. Harper Lee was clearly hoodwinked by Tonja Carter and never intended on publishing this as a novel! Go. Go read it again. My entire book club can't be wrong.H/T: Mymodernmet.com, Felinesofnewyork.com